Saturday, May 27, 2017

Skin Deep
people deserve closure, even if it's 2005 on Yahoo Singles
by DJ Hazard

I've been on this thing for two weeks and nobody I've contacted has responded.
I guess I must be the ugliest and stinkiest guy in the world. I am perplexed with the stinky part, since I shower daily. But stink I must, so bad that it comes right through the internet.
That leaves ugly. I guess Cyrano de Bergerac and Quasimodo had a baby. Then that baby grew up and married the baby of the Phantom of the Opera and Frankenstein and they had me.
Maybe all women really want is Danger Guy. Some ripped shirted Stanley Kowalski land pirate right off the cover of a Harlequin novel, lighting matches off his three day stubble and swinging through your bedroom window with a horse under one arm and a motorcycle under the other arm. How he holds the rope with his arms full of horses and motorcycles doesn't matter right now.
Danger Guy gets all the girls.
What do I get?
Nada. Zilch. Goose egg. Nil. Zero. Naught. Absence of substance plus Negative Space with a Black Hole chaser.
I should rent out my inbox for parking space. Parking for 747s and ocean liners... at the same time. The airlines and cruise ship companies probably don't want me stinking up their planes and boats with my super stinky ugliosity.
If a tree fell in the forest and nobody heard it that probably means the tree fell on me and nobody was around because they all heard King Stinko McUgly was in the forest today. The tree probably fell because it died from my Mega Ugly Super Stink that blots out the sun.
I'd like to stay and chat but I have to go stink up something. I'm sure I'm needed at the Limburger, Skunk and Gym Locker Festival.
Then I have to get to my other job at the Mirror Cracking Factory.